AUSTIN, TX—Texas Governor Greg Abbott signed an executive order today donating the city of Austin and all its citizens to California. A move long in the making, the order gives all million citizens back to California, since most of them came from there anyway.
“I hereby declare Austin and all the hippy yuppie Democrats in this God-forsaken town are now citizens of California,” Abbott said at the signing to loud cheering and applause. “Good riddance, and may God have mercy on your souls. Texas don’t want you, and I sure as heck don’t want you.”
“This is long overdue.” Many onlookers shot pistols into the air and shotgunned cans of Shiner Bock at the announcement. They all then went to Whataburger to celebrate.
Abbott is moving the capital of Texas out of Austin as part of the executive action and is considering nearby towns like Flying Mosquito, Texas, and Sweltering Plains, Texas, as the new capital.
Governor Newsom of California happily accepted the gift, as he has been needing more people to make up for all those who fled during his short time in office.
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