Study Finds Horse Unemployment Has Risen 900% Under Biden Administration

U.S.—A new study has found that horse unemployment is up 900% under the Biden administration, representing a massive increase in the number of horses looking for work from when Trump was in office.

“I just got laid off yesterday,” said one horse named Gluestick. “I couldn’t believe it—I gave years and years of my life to the Border Patrol, defending this country, and this is what I get. Oh well. Maybe McDonald’s is hiring.”

Analysts say these are the worst horse unemployment numbers in modern American history.

“Traditionally, it has been very easy for horses to find work in our country,” said Dr. Edward Little. “From portraying talking horses on television and acting in big Hollywood pictures like Braveheart and Lord of the Rings to pulling carriages and racing, there’s usually plenty of opportunity for horses here in America. But Biden ruined all that.”

Jen Psaki claimed the numbers aren’t actually that bad, and that if you don’t count “not being able to find a job” as unemployment, the unemployment rate of horses decreases to “almost nothing.”

Trump called the numbers “pathetic” and “sad” and promised that when he gets into office in 2024, he will employ “more horses than anyone ever in all of human history, the best employment numbers, maybe ever!”

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