MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Local progressive activists planned a protest to call for defunding of the police today, but it was quickly canceled after some local criminals stole all their signs.
“This is really frustrating,” said Goob Ferdinand, the protest organizer. “I can’t imagine how or why this is allowed to happen in our city. How do people get away with this stuff?”
According to witnesses, several hooded figures were seen sneaking into the community organizing building where all the protest materials were held and making off with everything in the middle of the day, with everyone watching, completely uninhibited. One passerby was heard saying “Hey! those don’t belong to you!” But he was hit on the head with a sign.
“If only there was some kind of government entity whose job it was to prevent this sort of thing,” said Ferdinand.
The protestors tried to call the police to investigate the crime, but the line was dead.
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