AUSTIN, TX—The media is calling a brave little group of Texas toddlers heroes after they responded to the oppression of being told to eat their vegetables in the most mature, patriotic way imaginable: by chartering a jet to flee the state.
The brave little tots chartered their very own Boeing 737 and climbed aboard, taking selfies along the way to keep their social media followers updated on their courageous stand against tyranny. They are flying to Washington, D.C., where they hope to appeal their case to “the pwesident.”
When asked for comment, the group’s leader Timmy said, “Waaaa! I don’t want to eat my vegetables! Mommy is mean! I hate her!” Sally chimed in, “Yeah, we don’t wanna! No vegetables! No bedtime! WAAAAAAAH!!!”
All the toddlers then joined in for a stirring rendition of “Baby Shark.”
The toddlers’ parents have filed to have them arrested upon their return, though they’d prefer that the police just “hang onto” the kids for a while rather than returning them to their homes. “Can they just like watch them for a few days? I’ve got stuff to do,” said Chloe Mendez of Dallas as she opened a box of wine and settled in to watch Netflix.
At publishing time, the group had cracked open a six-pack of Squeez-Its to unwind along the way.
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