WASHINGTON, D.C.—After concerns were raised by feminist groups and other bloodthirsty followers of the Canaanite god Molech, Biden has released a statement clarifying that the CDC’s eviction moratorium will not apply to forcibly removing unborn babies from mothers’ wombs.
“Listen, if someone wants to squat in your house forever until you and your whole family are financially ruined and on the streets, that’s their God-given right, Jack! Unborn babies are different though,” said Biden to a venomous spider who he mistook for a Planned Parenthood lobbyist. “This moratorium will still allow you to stab, dismember, chemically burn, and sell for parts any unwanted womb tenant you want! Kick ’em to the curb, I say! No one has the right to take up residence in your womb without consent!”
Planned Parenthood celebrated Biden’s clarification, confirming they still plan to forcibly evict 1000 babies every day until their vengeful god’s insatiable bloodlust for human children is quenched.
Democrat and Republican politicians also celebrated the clarification, as they will now be able to abort their secret mistresses’ love children without anyone finding out.
As the moratorium continues, BlackRock and Planned Parenthood have teamed up to offer to help suffering landlords by buying their property and aborting their babies at a discount.
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