U.S.—In a bit of exciting news for firearms enthusiasts and those who wish to deter their government from becoming tyrannical, Bass Pro Shops has announced that its semi-annual 2-for-1 nuke sale will be kicking off this weekend. Every nuclear weapon in the company’s arsenal will be completely free with the purchase of any other nuclear weapon.
“Running low on your supply of nukes for home defense, hunting, target practice, or overthrowing the government? Come on down!” says a salesperson in a commercial for the sale. “Whether you’re looking for an intercontinental ballistic missile, a short-range tactical nuke, or even a conventional explosive projectile, we’ve got you covered! We’ve got big nukes, we’ve got small nukes, we’ve got nukes for every age and price range. Don’t go to a competitor for one of those cheap knock-off nukes — get your officially certified anti-government nuke today!”
“SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY — DON’T MISS THIS EXPLOSIVE DEAL!”
Bass Pro Shops also has a large selection of pre-owned nukes purchased from the U.S. government, Iran, and North Korea — available for any private citizen to come and purchase at “mind-blowing prices” this weekend only.
At publishing time, the outdoor megastore had further revealed that customers making any purchase of $50 or more this weekend will be given a “Fat Man” shoulder-mounted mini nuke launcher absolutely free. Wow!
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