Are you looking to turn up the heat this Halloween, but don’t want to cause your brothers in Christ to stumble? Have we got the ticket for you—ten incredibly sexy Halloween costumes that will excite your beau without leading him into mortal sin!
1) Church Secretary: Throw on a gray wig, reading glasses, and caked-on rouge and your man will be begging you to make copies!
2) A mare among Pharoah’s chariots: This is how King Solomon famously described his love. Plus horse costumes are on sale.
3) Modest nurse: Everyone else dresses as a sexy nurse. BO-RING! As it says in Ephesians somewhere, modest is hottest!
4) Woman without a head covering: Hubba hubba!
5) Risqué Fundamental Baptist: Get the scissors out and cut that denim skirt to show some ankle! Just make sure to remind all the men in your life to bounce their eyes away for purity.
6) Proverbs 31 woman: This one requires getting some kids to walk behind you calling you ‘blessed’ as you make linen garments, but it’s worth the effort!
7) Backup worship singer: Keep that mic turned off and your eyes permanently shut! As you sway back and forth with arms outstretched, everyone will realize you’re real wife material.
8) Ruth and Boaz: One of the sexiest couples in the Bible!
9) Sexy Martin Luther: It doesn’t get sexier than a 15th-century Augustinian monk nailing a thesis to the wall.
10) Summa Theologica: Now this may be a little too wild! The seminal work of St. Thomas Aquinas with its five proofs for the existence of God is sure to turn his knees to mush.
We might have to pull the fire alarm over here and get the sprinklers going, cool everyone down a bit!
The Babylon Bee Guide To Wokeness will turn you from a MAGA into an SJW!
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