10 Reasons The California Recall Will Be The Most Perfect And Fair Election Of All Time
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Already, there are Republican operatives trying to undermine the sanctity of our holy democracy by suggesting that the Democrats may cheat in Gavin Newsom’s recall election. Here at the Babylon Bee, we pride ourselves in exposing misinformation and then murdering it in broad daylight to warn other misinformations that may try to sneak up and misinform people and undermine the very foundations of our incorruptible government.
Here are ten reasons you can rest assured that the recall election will be safe and secure:
1) Mail-in ballots are the most secure system of voting ever devised: That should be obvious after they worked flawlessly to elect Joe Biden.
2) A rich white man is running the election: Everyone knows you can trust rich white men.
3) Governor Newsom printed extra ballots, just in case you lose yours: They are available for free in thousands of ballot vending machines around the state! Cool!
4) Newsom has volunteered to personally count all the ballots himself, for maximum security: What a nice guy!
5) Because CNN said so: And CNN has been named the most accurate source of news in the state of California for 20 years running!
6) The progressive and open-minded people of California would NEVER conspire to prevent a black man from becoming governor: That’s just silly.
7) Gavin Newsom is an expert at keeping things safe and secure: Like the southern border.
8) People like Harvey Weinstein are able to trust Gavin Newsom with their deepest, darkest secrets: So you can surely trust him with your election.
9) With all the fraud in the last few elections, we’re confident they’ve gotten all the kinks out: We’re pretty sure this one’s gonna run smoothly this time.
10) Any suggestion that Democrat politicians would operate with anything less than total integrity is a deranged conspiracy theory: And you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking it. I hope you’re happy with yourself. We’ve alerted the FBI.
There you have it! Can’t argue with this reasoning!
NOT SATIRE: Swing State Steal is a Party Game of Theft to commemorate the 2020 election. Can the Swing States tilt the election in favor of the Challenger? I think we know the answer to that. This game has it all: Antifa Riots, Woke Culture, Mean Tweets, Defund the Police, the Pandemic! And Cheats. Cheats galore! Cheats by the pallet-full. Mail-in cheats. Polling place cheats. Vote counting frauds! It’s all here. Except in this game, the Incumbent gets a shot at getting them back. Because it’s a work of fiction. Relax. It’s just a game.
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