You Don’t Need All That Grilled Meat: Try These 7 Great Meat Substitutes!

Whether it’s because you care about the environment or because you think meat is icky, you’re trying to wean yourself off the stuff. That’s great! You’re a good person, you know that? 

But it’s barbecue season, and you’ll be tempted to go back to meat as you smell those delicious burgers your neighbors are cooking up. Don’t give in! We’ve got you covered with these seven great meat substitutes:

1. Instead of bacon, try bacon-wrapped bacon. And then take the whole thing and wrap it in bacon.

2. Instead of hamburgers, try hamburgers but with patties in place of the buns, lettuce, tomato, and ketchup. Yeah, so just like 7 patties stacked on top of each other.

3. Instead of grilled chicken, GRILL A FREAKIN’ BALD EAGLE.  :us: :us: :us:

4. Instead of surf and turf, order surf and surf and turf and turf and turf. If you’re feeling peckish, throw on another turf.

5. Instead of hormone-free chicken, try double-testosterone-injected chicken. Only real men can handle this extra-manly chicken.

6. Instead of well-done steak, try rethinking your life. Hang up the grilling gear and take some time to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself why you are the way you are.

7. Instead of environmentally harmful industrial beef, just go out into the wilderness and murder a cow with your bare hands. Punch a cow. Eat it. Now you’re a man.

We hope this helps you eat better!

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