TAMPA, FL—Officials at Tampa General Hospital say they are at full capacity as doctors and nurses are working furiously to combat the dual-threat of COVID and the milk crate challenge. Experts warn the situation will only get worse in the coming weeks as more kids go back to school and film their friends doing stupid things.
“I’ve never seen anything like it in my 35 years as a doctor,” hospital administrator Dr. Lawrence Jones said. “COVID was bad enough, but now I’ve got 73 kids in traction with broken spines from jumping on milk crates. Plus, our cafeteria is waiting on a milk shipment, but there are no crates to be found anywhere!”
Other hospitals are dealing with similar issues. University of Kansas hospital currently has 47 COVID patients and 129 milk crate challenge patients, with more arriving each day. “We barely get one ambulance unloaded before another shows up,” said UK emergency room doctor Jennie Adams. “Sometimes they have to bring them to the hospital in milk trucks. And, unfortunately, there’s no vaccine for this kind of stupidity.”
Dr. Anthony Fauci of the Centers for Disease Control said it’s hard to predict when the milk crate challenge will wane. “These types of things have to run their course naturally,” he said. “We’re just hoping it doesn’t mutate into a more dangerous variant before the kids get bored.”
At press time, the Biden administration was joined by Democrats in Congress in calling for common-sense milk crate control.
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