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Health

‘The Booster Shot Had Absolutely No Side Effects,’ Says Gavin Newsom’s Second Head

SACRAMENTO, CA—Two weeks after receiving a vaccine booster then abruptly disappearing from public view, California Governor Gavin Newsom emerged from his home. Looking as shiny and healthy as ever, the governor reassured Californians that the COVID-19 booster shot was safe and effective. The post ‘The Booster Shot Had Absolutely No Side Effects,’ Says Gavin Newsom’s Second Head appeared first on The Babylon Bee. …

Fauci Hopes His Experiments On Puppies Will Distract Everyone From Experiments He Performed On Humanity For Past 18 Months

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Dr. Anthony Fauci is embroiled in controversy over his organization reportedly funding an experiment in which dogs had their heads trapped in cages and were eaten by sandflies alive, which we are told is a perfectly normal procedure performed by scientists as well as psychopathic killers in horror movies.   The post Fauci Hopes His Experiments On Puppies Will Distract Everyone From Experiments He Performed On Humanity For Past 18 Months appeared first on The Babylon Bee. …

Fauci Says Attacking Puppy Torture Is An Attack On Science

BETHESDA, MD—Concerned citizens are raising questions about some experiments conducted by Dr. Fauci's NIH, including one where puppies were tortured to death, their vocal cords severed to mute their screams. In an interview, Fauci said that anyone who attacks puppy torture is attacking science itself.  The post Fauci Says Attacking Puppy Torture Is An Attack On Science appeared first on The Babylon Bee. …

San Francisco Bans People From Eating At Unsanitary In-N-Out, Must Eat On Poop-Covered Sidewalk Instead

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—The City of San Francisco has closed its only In-N-Out's dining room, since the restaurant refused to discriminate against its customers. Instead of eating in the unsanitary dining room where they might get sick, people are forced to get to-go orders and eat on the poop-covered sidewalk outside the restaurant, sources confirmed Friday. The post San Francisco Bans People From Eating At Unsanitary In-N-Out, Must Eat On Poop-Covered Sidewalk Instead appeared first on The Babylon Bee. …

Newsom Claims Syringes Strewn About California Cities Are Due To High Vaccination Rate

SACRAMENTO, CA—California has come under a lot of criticism for dirty needles and piles of poo lying all over its major cities like Los Angeles and San Francisco. But Governor Gavin Newsom has a different take, saying the syringes lying all over the streets of metropolitan areas are due to the high vaccination rate of the state. The post Newsom Claims Syringes Strewn About California Cities Are Due To High Vaccination Rate appeared first on The Babylon Bee. …

Perfectly Good Brownies Ruined By Last-Minute Addition Of Walnuts

AUSTIN, TX—According to sources at the Landon household, a batch of brownies being whipped up by Mrs. Heather Landon was completely ruined by the last-minute addition of walnuts. Landon had painstakingly whipped up the dough, or however it is you make brownies. She had added flour, eggs (?), and whatever else you add to brownie mix. Her husband walked by and said, "Mmmm, brownies! Yes! Can't wait!" and gave her a low-five. But then, something horrible happened: she added walnuts to the mix before pouring it into the pan and baking it. "NOOOOO!!!" screamed her husband, diving to stop her, but it was too late. "Perfection ruined! You might as well have added a mustache to the Mona Lisa!" At publishing time, Landon had added raisins to a batch of chocolate chip cookies. The post Perfectly Good Brownies Ruined By Last-Minute Addition Of Walnuts appeared first on The Babylon Bee. …

In-N-Out Unveils Exciting New Menu Item, The ‘Let’s Go Brandon’

IRVINE, CA—In-N-Out isn't known for changing its menu, with the fast-food burger joint offering the same burger, cheeseburger, and Double Double options for many years. But the Cali favorite has made an exception, introducing a fun new menu item, the "Let's Go, Brandon!" The post In-N-Out Unveils Exciting New Menu Item, The ‘Let’s Go Brandon’ appeared first on The Babylon Bee. …

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